If Mother’s Day feels stressful, this article is for you. I know many who feel this way. Let’s explore some things to do when Mother’s Day feels stressful.
An old friend of mine hates Mother’s Day. This began even before her own mother passed away. My friend was wonderful about looking after her Mother and she honored her of course. That wasn’t the problem for her. She was single and way past the age that most people marry. There were no children in her life and she thought all of the fuss and bother for Mother’s Day was silly. Whenever the subject came up in conversation, it bothered her.
Sometimes life is all about perspective. You see things from where you are standing and your view isn’t the same as those around you. On holidays, it is good to consider the sensitivities of others. What appeals to us may totally not be fun for someone else.
So many people are in different places in their lives. We aren’t all cookie-cutters shapped the same way. It pays to be aware and take these things into consideration.
There are many stressful factors about every holiday. Today, as promised, I wish to consider a few of those situations on Mother’s Day.
DEALING WITH BUDGETS
For many, all of this “thoughtful planning” we do just for special occassions just isn’t in the budget. Great thoughts may be free, but carrying them out usually requires cash. I have some good news for those of you who are facing this problem. No one understands or appreciates these matters better than your Mom.
Buy a sweet card. Sign it with a nice note. Simply show up with a smile on your face. That smile will make her day. It will be of more value to her than any present you could buy in the store. I promise you it will be a day you will always remember.
Just decide to BE THERE.
Be there with no particular agenda but spending time with her.
You can’t buy love; I tell this to my kids all the time.
YOU CAN’T BUY OR MANUFACTURE TIME
Of course, there are those that DO have the money in the budget, but the extra set-aside time is very hard to come by. Families and even single adults have unbelievable busy schedules these days. Unfortunately; so many people work 24/7. God didn’t make us to endure this. Somehow we have to find more rest and Sabbath in our days. That includes Mother’s Day.
In a perfect world, all believe and keep Sabbath. All get the proper rest. Everyone has the time they need for everything. That little picture-perfect world still hasn’t resonated in the minds of many though. They aren’t even being materialistic. It just cost a lot to get by these days. Somehow we must make this easier for those we are leaving behind. In the meantime, all families of all types are dealing with impossible schedules all the time.
Let’s look at that a bit closer.
DEALING WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S SCHEDULES
The modern world seems to be on a non-stop schedule with no boundaries. Our children and our grandchildren are often caught in the trap of learning to deal with this.
For the multitude out there, that simple old-fashioned 9 to 5 work schedule is a thing of the past. This situation isn’t always a personal choice. For a lot of people in a lot of the time this crazy, randomly scheduled type of work schedule is merely a matter of survival. This is especially true for those just starting out in life. They are still busy trying to establish their first home or trying to get through those college years. Some are going through the early years of raising very young children.
For many grown children, these awkward stages of life are full of very expensive adjustments. These are adjustments which don’t happen easily or without effort. Sometimes they require very hard, yet temporary sacrifices. Just living life requires many to give up other things they either need or want to do.
How many mother’s out there have kids working two or three jobs this year?
This situation requires our patience and mercy.
DO NOT OVER-ANTICIPATE
Please remember to thank God that at least your child is trying to be a responsible hard-working citizen. They are anxious to provide for their families and their futures. Their generation will eventually come to their own realities and work this out. In the meantime; let’s try to give them a break. Don’t over-anticipate. Try hard not to expect what is impossible for them to offer right now. Just take a deep breath and look at reality. When you work in the midst of the crazy scheduling of the world, even if it is just a temporary situation, anything extra can add stress to an already too stressful and overbooked day.
ONE WORKABLE IDEA WHEN THINGS SEEM IMPOSSIBLE
Suggestion: If I just describe you and your situation, three may be some answers. Why not call your Mom about a week before Mother’s Day and invite her to attend something with you that DOES fit into your schedule? Find the time, even if it goes six months out into the future. Tell her it is her Mother’s day treat, but it couldn’t fall on the day that you are scheduled to be working.
I promise you, she will be flexible. Your Mom will cherish the thought that you planned something in spite of your crazy life. When the day comes around remember to keep it. Make it as special as you can.
Maybe you could take in a movie or go to lunch together. Just do something, at some point, that was planned BEFORE Mother’s day happened. You will have a way to celebrate even if it isn’t on THE day the rest of the world is celebrating.
Also be sure to find just a few minutes to call her on THE day and wish her well.
CARDS EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS
In this type of situation; icing on the cake would be to mail a sweet card with a handwritten note to arrive on the Saturday BEFORE the day she will be spending without you. Cards and hand-written notes are great ways to express your feelings.
The card could even include tickets or a “save this date for me” note. That way, if she is sitting at home while all the other Mother’s are celebrating, she will have a physical reminder to hold in her hands. It will be your very thoughtful card that arrives ahead of time. The card is something tangible that proves you love her, you care, and you are thinking of her.
MOTHERS ALWAYS APPRECIATE FLOWERS
If you are feeling REALLY bad that you can’t be there on THE day; send a pretty bouquet for her table. Remember to call around to make sure someone in the family makes sure she is occupied and happy in the time while you are away.
It helps ease the tension for everyone when brothers and sisters and other relatives coordinate their plans together. Don’t let all of the DOING each time turn out to be one-sided. Share and take equal responsibility in the remembering.
It is never what you do that matters; it is always in the thoughtful way that you do it.
You’ve got this!
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE TEN PLACES AT ONCE
There are also those who do not have to work, and the budget is not a problem. However, they just can’t manage to clone themselves. They can’t manage to be in two equally important places all at once. This is very typical. It happens all across the globe. However, we humans tend to think we are the ONLY ones when it happens. Let’s face the obvious, you simply can’t be in four or five places at the same time.
Sadly; we are living in a world full of divorced parents. Most adult children are having to split their time between many in several different ways. If they are lucky, and not too tired, they will get time to enjoy their OWN Mother’s Day with their OWN children. This simply isn’t fair to young mothers and their little ones.
Older Moms and Grandmothers; remember to be gentle, kind and understanding. Remember what it was like for you when you had a young and growing family. The grands need to be establishing patterns of celebrating Mother’s Day with their Moms first. Their grandmother’s come second now. On this day, no matter what, things will just have to happen in a way that works out best for all.
So, please don’t stress or imagine that you are being overlooked if the hands of the clock don’t match the timing of your imagination. Think about the other 364 days of your year and smile. If you have children and/or grands; you are blessed.
DAUGHTERS NEED TO ENJOY THEIR FAMILY TOO
How I loved those simpler times of sleeping in and wondering what the little ones would do to surprise me. Those younger days so full of simpler things were so delightful.
I want my daughters to experience these same types of blessings with their families. They need to be making their own memories. My wish is for them to be abundant with the things that I cherished from and with them.
MAKE YOUR PLANS, THEN BE FLEXIBLE
So this is a typical plan that we will suggest to you. Simply one example out of many more we will suggest during the up-coming days leading up to Mother’s Day. Our suggestion is based simply on what this particular writer in her own particular situation wants to personally coordinate at her own home on Mother’s Day during this unique season. Maybe it will work for you too. Maybe it can be flexed a bit. This suggestion is just ONE example among many. It is just one little peek into the coming day we are anticipating. As we mentioned before, every family will be different.
I only give my example here in order to get the wheels of your mind turning. Perhaps this will spark new thoughts and ideas for you as you are thinking about your own situation. Just slow down long enough to take inventory of your needs and think it through.
The postcard day for me looks a bit like this:
The kids are all grown. Two of them are Mother’s themselves. Everyone lives in a different neighborhood. No one attends the same church. One set of the family is even out-of-state.
THE JUGGLING ACT
On Mother’s Day they all will be needing time for those special moments with their own families within their own homes. Each of these now-grown and very busy Moms have so many others to remember on THEIR special day. They have kids, husbands and Mother-In-Laws. Each one has a lot of other responsibilities to handle in the middle of all this mix.
Also, another piece of my own particular story; is that my own Mother is living alone; since my Father died a few years back. The whole family will want to try to make special times and/or arrangements for her on Mother’s Day. That, however; must also be coordinated with my brother and his large and scattered family.
All of us have a juggling act to do! Plus, there is the fact that as a step-mother, I’ve always had to share this day with our children’s birth Mother. They are close to her too, even though all four of them lived with me and their Dad from their early elementary school days forward.
STRESSED OUT STEP-FAMILIES
As in most step-family situations, Mother’s Day was always a juggling act when they were growing up. Usually, they would all go to spend the day with their birth-Mom and her mother first. Then they would come back home to see me that evening. At some point we all would also go out to see my Mom.
Somehow it always worked out. Still, it was never very easy for anyone; especially the kids. Now we are on our third generation of going through this. It is even more complicated now.
I just THOUGHT those days were complicated!
ALL MOMS NEED SOME TIME IN THE SCHEDULE
Now that they are all grown and have become Moms themselves, they must try to divide the day between more than the two of us (me and their birth Mom.) This could also mean including our mothers, and their great-grandmothers. The grown-married-children have their mother-in-laws to think about now. (One is blessed with two MIL’s.) They even have their spouse’s still-living grandmothers to think of too!
Somehow these young moms must figure out how to put in the special time with their own children first and foremost!
After all,that is what the day is supposed to be all about.
PEACE IN THE CHAOS
All of this can get pretty frustrating at times. It can be complicated, but they somehow always manage to do it with grace and love and wonderfulness. This is inspiring for me to observe. The way these young adults have learned how to handle their adult lives always amazes me. I’m constantly thanking God for how He raised them right.
As you can imagine, the scheduling can get to be a bit stressful. It is stressful, even from only my part of the equation. Their part can be a night-mare. There is one final solution (in my case) that always seems to work out well for everyone.
Focus on your main objective. Let all the rest flow around it.
When my main objective on this day is simply to try to plan something special with my own Mom, I give the adult children the complete freedom to plan their own events. They have some time to do whatever they decide they need to do. It can happen whenever they decide they need to do it. With everyone having a main focus, we can develop a more natural flow of events. Things become a lot less hectic and stressful.
Second tip is to combine whatever is possible without disturbing anyone’s happiness and peace. If you can peacefully group three families at once into one place, it helps everyone.
When I plan the day this way, I always go into the time with low expectations. I usually come out of the day with high degrees of feeling loved and cherished, no matter what happens.
TRY TO FIND YOUR BEST WIN/WIN SITUATION
Typically I tend to go with my Mom to her early-church on Mother’s Day morning. Then I bring her over to our house for a Mother’s Day tea/brunch afterward. (Although this year we are taking her to one of our favorite restaurants instead.)
That has always been a fun time for all of us.
I try to invite my brother. This combines three families into one place. We will be home for the bulk of the day. Anyone (our children or grand children) who might want to come by to say “hello” is welcomed. They can catch us at home all day long. This combines several families into one peaceful location.
Win/win.
That is how I USUALLY plan the day. However, it is more complicated some years. For instance, that time when my Mom was still recovering from surgery. When that was the case I just planned to use the same pattern at HER house instead of mine. We settled for skipping the church attendance. I used the same plan of telling our children where we would be for the day. They could join in whenever they needed to.
Problem solved.
TRY TO PLAN AHEAD
My kids can come to my Mom’s house as easy as they can come to our house. I just let them know where we all are going to be. They will be welcomed. We can all be happy together for a few hours. That is, if that works out right for their other schedules.
Of course, this plan puts me cooking and looking after someone else’s schedule on Mother’s Day. That really doesn’t bother me at all. My own Mom is very special. She is totally worth the effort.
This year we incorporated another plan though. We decided to take Mom out to lunch on Saturday. That frees up two homes on Sunday. Yes, it IS a bit complicated, but we will just go with it. Do whatever works best for your family for the year. Communicate effectively and it will work it’s self out. All years can’t be the same, sometimes they must be flexible.
Planning ahead always helps to lessen the complications, as long as you add flexibility into that plan. Most of the hard work for my part of the day will be planned ahead. I’ll do the work ahead as much as possible in order to better enjoy the visiting.
I love the idea of a restaurant. It cuts down on the work for me. Going on Saturday cuts down on the wait and the crowd. Sometimes though, it is fun to plan out and prepare the Mother’s Day food. I will probably blog about food and recipes for Mother’s Day this week too. That is really fun for me, and I love coming up with creative and pretty ideas. We will be talking a lot about past year’s recipes we’ve used as well as adding in the present day’s new ideas.
Why don’t we share the fun? Meet us at The IN SEASON blogging community. If our fun fits your day; come join in with us.
MOTHERS ARE GOING TO BE MOTHERS
Anyway; isn’t all of this planning and preparing just what Mothers do?
It seems they always look after and feed their loved ones.
Aren’t we always the ones to make the special occasions happen?
Why should we stop serving in our own purposeful roles on our own day?
LOL.
LET GO OF THE PRESSURE FOR PERFECTION
Honestly; I’ve always thought the hype and pressure of this day can get to be a little over-rated.
I’ve never worried too much about what happens with the rest of the world. Perhaps this is because my family has always been wonderful about making every day of my year very special. They have never taken anything I’ve ever done for them for granted.
With this in mind, I just gladly take in whatever family time God makes available. I try to relax in the blessings-at-hand. All I concentrate upon is doing my very best to enjoy the day.
MY LITTLE SECRET
Okay, I’ll admit that my conscience is bothering me a bit. I suppose I should tell the rest of this story. There is another awesome secret that will eliminate any stress and anxiety. So, I’ll tell you of another well-hidden secret that helps me to be so calm, cheerful and collected when Mother’s Day celebrations come along:
On the weekend before Mother’s Day I take a whole weekend for myself. Saturday is my Sabbath; so basically I worship; then I rest! (No gasps please.) My day always starts out by sleeping late. I rest until the sun goes down. Then I get into my car and go to get a haircut, a manicure and a pedicure.
After that, I might even go shopping. If I want to I’ll buy myself a whole new spring outfit. I may even include jewelry. I simply save up for this ahead of time so I don’t blow the budget on my frivolity for maintaining sanity. Part of my budget always goes towards self-preservation.
Aside from resting during the day – lunch is eaten at one of my favorite restaurants, either by myself, with my husband, (or with a girl friend doing all of these same things too.) Then on the way home later that Sunday before Mother’s Day, I pick-up late-night take-out Chinese dinner for my husband and myself. Finally I go home to watch a favorite chick-flick that evening before Mother’s Day.
MY OWN PERSONAL CELEBRATION OF THE SUCCESS OF BEING A MOM
I confess; I’ve done this for years!
Please don’t tell!
That evening before Mother’s Day week, I will take a long hot bubble-bath. I’ll sip a glass of wine before watching a movie I want to see (NO SPORTS.) Then, I just relax at home with my husband. That night I make sure I get a refreshing and good night’s sleep.
All of this has a very calming effect on me. The next week I feel able to handle anything. When the hectic Hallmark schedule starts on Sunday – I’m totally refreshed. My heart and soul are ready to enjoy the day. Honestly; I am lacking for nothing which I desire at that point, so anything that happens suits me just fine. Go ahead and laugh. However, if you do this too, you will quickly understand how therapeutic it can be. This keeps all my memories happy and relaxed.
It is a secret that all Mother’s share but don’t like to talk about. You must learn to take care of yourself before you can be very useful in caring for others. The whole universe hides this. That is because it is a great mystery which belongs only to the best of Motherhood.
IT IS ALL IN THE PLANNING
Of course that means I must do some careful and thoughtful planning during the next week. Being refreshed helps me to be ready to rise EARLY on Mother’s Day Sunday morning. During the week before Mother’s Day, I’m also busy shopping for the groceries for my Mom’s special meal, picking out her presents, and preparing for the events we want to do with her.
Also, I do a little bit of extra housekeeping every day all week long. During the week the house gets all decorated and polished. I have fun making everything look really pretty. This too is another hidden secret of the universe which has been well-preserved. It has been used quietly by women across the globe the week just before Mother’s Day. The mystery is the realization that everything is easy if you break it down. Take your time and do a little here and a little there.
When you do things this way; all of your efforts just seem to come together nicely. By the time Mother’s Day weekend arrives, that heavy burden of not having a plan is totally erased from my mind. I’m able to relax and let the day unfold as it should.
Hence, I will now reveal yet another secret of the universe. This fact of life applies to all smart women everywhere. There is always enough time if you learn how to do time in increments; and there is always enough for EVERYONE on the list.
If you simply plan ahead; it always comes together.
A LIFETIME OF LOVE CANNOT GET CRAMMED INTO ONE DAY
So, believe it or not; this one particular day of the year which Hallmark picked out just for us doesn’t exactly have to be perfect for me to feel loved. I hope you get that feeling too. Also, l hope all women out there are feeling the same way.
If not, well you are free to keep living in Stepford…..(I thought that movie was great.) The world will never be perfect; but the love we scatter along each path we walk will make those imperfections beautiful anyway. Just love your way through it.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND LOOK AROUND
In reality and looking back, I can honestly say that every day of my life with my family has always felt like a special Mother’s Day, even without one bit of help from Hallmark. All it takes to put a smile on my face these days is taking a deep breath and looking around the room at all the amazing and beautiful faces I’ve been blessed to love for so long.
ALWAYS COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
Another secret, even better than those others I have already shared, is that on each passing Mother’s Day I always remember to stop and count my blessings.
I never forget that I went for a long time existing as a divorced, single and childless woman. I am forever grateful for family. They are the ones that truly make life worth living.
Please don’t misunderstand; there is certainly nothing wrong with being divorced or single or childless. Either and all of those different stages and seasons of life can be blessed in different ways. Yet, I will quickly admit having a family surrounding you with love brings an unimaginable abundance into your days. I am grateful to God for such blessings.
God certainly does come along and replace the years that the locust ate. He always keeps His promises. If that realization has not happened in your life yet, please don’t worry. His clock is always accurate and correct. Blessings will come right on time, if you just stay content and appreciate where you are living and breathing in this moment.
My once empty house is now abundant and overflowing with love. It is truly a “God thing.” The grands are my favorite part of this development. They are the icing on the cake. Looking at the whole picture in a very ironic way, I’ve discovered that Mother’s Day always serves as a good reminder for MOTHERS to offer up thanks for all that their families mean to them.
So it is that life always seems to arrive full circle with the one to be appreciated turning out to be the one who appreciates things the most. I love how God always manages to pull that off!
CHERISH THE TIME WITH YOUR MOM
It is more important for me at this particular stage of our lives to make my own Mom feel sure she is loved and cherished. If it works out that I get to spend time with our grown children and grandchildren too, that is like icing on the cake.
Should we all get to share the whole day together and all at once; that is super special and very unique.
Something amazing always comes together, no matter how little or how much we plan it out.
LOOK FOR SOME INTERESTING BLOG POSTS DURING THIS MOTHER’S DAY MONTH
As I’m making my own plans; you know I’m thinking of all of our faithful readers. These are the ones who are pondering how to make this day extra-special for their Moms too. In order to honor those sweet thoughts and good intentions, I’ve put together a few week’s worth of Mother’s Day-related blog-posts that are full of new ideas and creative suggestions.
I hope you enjoy each article. Maybe they will bring you as much pleasure as they brought to me when I was putting it all together. This type of seasonal blogging surely helps me to keep my own priorities straight. It reminds my mind to stay more focused on what really matters in this season.
INTENTIONAL LIVING
Thanks to all of you for making The IN SEASON Lifestyle Community more thoughtful about intentional living. This happens because of our ability to talk and share these seasons of our lives together. It is fun to share in community as we are visiting here at The IN SEASON Lifestyle blogsite.
As we are all thinking back, you might remember our photo contest from a few years ago. I asked all Mothers to share photos of their special Mother’s Day moments. In closing this article I am re-posting three of the winning photos just to set the stage for this year. We are not having a photograph contest this time, but I hope these lovely photos help you to remember to take some photos of your own special moments.
THANKS FOR ALL OF THE SPECIAL MEMORIES YOU SHARE WITH US
Thanks again Theresa Kiomall Decker and Elaine Ethridge for sharing your lovely photo memories with all of our community here. I hope you enjoy looking back at them again. The IN SEASON Lifestyle Community and I want to wish all Mom’s an early and a very special and happy Mother’s Day.
Don’t let anyone or anything rob you of the joy that belongs to you!
Go on out there and keep changing the world for the better through the love you share with your children.
