BOUNDARIES

TAMAR

If you look into studies of The Tree of Life, you discover how two polar opposites exist. One is chesed. Chesed is defined as loving kindness. Additionally, the opposite of chesed is gevurah. Gevurah can be defined as boundaries, strictness, or judgement. True love (chesed) only works when we combine it with proper boundaries.

Tamar’s basic personality trait was one of loving kindness, or chesed.  It would have been good for Tamar to balance her chesed with the trait of gevurah.  She needed to understand how to establish boundaries in her life.  These boundaries needed to be strict.  Tamar needed to practice saying “This in NOT okay.”

DAVID

Like Father, like daughter. David and Tamar seem to be alike in these traits. Neither The King, nor his Princess daughter, possessed the healthy balance needed to overcome undeserved violence. I speak of the type of violence an aggressive person, like Amnon, uses to take over anyone’s eagerness to please. 

This thought brings a parable to mind. It is a study called The Parable of the Tribes. This study by Andrew Bard Schmookler, involves an experiment of ten different tribes living together. All of the tribes, with the exception of one, were peaceful tribes.  One tribe was prone to violence. This tribe used violence to have its way.  It was easy for the violent tribe to get its way with the other peace-loving tribes. 

One-by-one the peaceful tribes were defeated by the violent tribe. If they did not fight back, they were conquered. When they fled, they decreased the strength of the tribes as a whole. If one tribe decided to defend itself, it had to resort to the same violence it was fighting against.

Eventually, all tribes were forced to become more like the tribe who originally threatened them. Therefore, the summary at the end of the parable/story is that power can be stopped only by power. If power isn’t used against power, the defender experiences destruction, subjugation, withdrawing or imitation. 

We can conclude that violence has a way of taking over. No matter how its victims respond, violence spreads. Thus, violence destroys civilizations.  This has always been the case. It happened in the past, and it happens in today’s world. Consequently, kingdoms without boundaries cannot survive violence.

A DESOLATE WOMAN

Tamar experienced a matter of great violence.  Hence, this princess was thrown out of the palace she had been invited to enter.  She went inside to show love and concern for a sibling. That same sibling turned on her and abused her. 

Later, Tamar needed to be honest with someone about the abusive behavior she had experienced.  She was in very bad circumstances. Amnon left her in a precarious position.  No person should ever be required to silently allow another to violate them. For her own well-being, Tamar needed to seek help. She needed the assistance of an understanding person. The person who came along for Tamar was her brother Absalom. 

ABSALOM TO THE RESCUE

Absalom recognized Tamar’s state. She didn’t have to tell him. He guessed. Absalom proclaimed what he supposed had happened. These were his words. “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.”

Absalom didn’t want Tamar to defend herself. He wanted to do this for her. Therefore, the scriptures tell us Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house as “a desolate woman.” Absalom never addressed Amnon, but he stewed and pondered what to do about this situation.

THE SILENT ANGRY FATHER

Now it wasn’t long before King David found out what was going on. We are not told how he found out. Perhaps Absalom told him. Maybe a servant from Amnon’s house reported it. It was possible Amnon talked to Jonadab again and told him. If so, Jonadab could have reported to the King. We just don’t know.

However, we know King David was very angry. None the less, he did not address the situation. What do you do when you find out your son raped your daughter? This isn’t a common problem. It might be one of the worst problems a father ever has to face. Maybe David didn’t know the best thing to do. That doesn’t excuse the fact that David did not respond. I’ll give him grace and say perhaps he was still mulling the problem over in his mind. 

Before you know it, two years passed without this problem being addressed. Eventually, David let it go. Additionally, Absalom was still stewing over what to do. Tamar remained a desolate woman living in Absalom’s house. Consequently, Amnon went on enjoying the position of The Crowned Prince.

ABSALOM SHEERS HIS SHEEP

Sheepshearing season came around.  Absalom had a plan brewing in the back of his mind. The time of the harvesting of wool was a time of partying and celebration. The shearing of the sheep brought great wealth into one’s household. It provided extra money in the pockets of the shearers too. Everyone loved sheepshearing season.

Absalom decided to celebrate in an elaborate way. He invited King David and all of his royal sons (Absalom’s brothers and half-brothers) to join his celebration.

David thought such a huge celebration would be too much of a bother for Absalom. He declined the invitation, David’s excuse was that his attendance wasn’t necessary. Absalom expressed his disappointment. However, Absalom insisted David at least send Amnon to his party. Typically, The Crowned Prince was in line to attend things the King did not.

David, as the father realized this invitation was unnecessary. He should have been more suspicious. David always chose to trust and believe the word of his sons. However, David did encourage Amnon to attend. Also, the other royal sons showed up to celebrate with their brother, Absalom.   

ABSALOM HIRES THE MURDER OF AMNON

After the successful shearing ceremony, the wine was flowing. Quickly, Absalom went to two of his trusted servants. He commanded them to wait until Amnon was drunk, then kill him. Thus, they did as they were told. 

Consequently, when the other sons of David saw what happened to Amnon, they tore their garments. All mourned for their brother. Also, they quickly fled for home to comfort King David. 

A false word reached King David stating all of his sons had been killed. He tore his clothes and mourned. The men with David did the same. Afterward, Jonadab showed up to state only Amnon was killed. He confirmed Absalom was the one who plotted to kill Amnon. Apparently, the plan had been brewing since Amnon raped Tamar. 

As Jonadab spoke, he saw David’s other sons arriving in the distance. Quickly, he assured King David they were safe. Meanwhile, after the rest of his sons arrived safely, David’s family mourned the death of Amnon. 

ABSALOM FLEES

In the meantime, Absalom fled the country. He went to Talmai, the son of Ammihud. Talmai was the King of Geshur. He was Absalom’s grandfather, his mother’s father. As a result, King Talmai offered Absalom refuge for as long as needed. 

After David mourned Amnon, he yearned to hear from Absalom.

SUMMARY

So, we see the promise that the sword would never depart from David’s House was partially fulfilled through his sons. It started with Amnon’s sins, then multiplied through Absalom. 

David’s punishment was for adultery with Bathsheba. This is a sexual sin. Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, was made drunk, then murdered. Deception and murder are added to the list. This can be compared to Amnon’s sexual sin of incest. Likewise, he is made drunk and murdered by David’s other son, Absalom. This was a sexual sin, deception and murder too.  The same patterns are repeated from one generation to the next.

SEXUAL SINS, MURDER, DECEPTION AND VIOLENCE

 One thing multiplied into many things. Unfortunately, Satan would have us to believe illicit sex between “consenting adults” is no one’s business but their own. However, that is a lie. Eventually, sins always have consequences beyond us. Our sins can damage anyone within our sphere of influence. Consequently, sexual misdeeds have been known to topple governments.  This type of conduct, once discovered, makes it difficult for presidents to lead.  Stupid sexual sins have kept people from running for high office.

Additionally, church congregations have been devastated.  Congregations and parishioners have been disillusioned.  The faith of many has been destroyed needlessly. Consequently, sexual misdeeds destroy families. Such deeds have been behind the causes creating poverty and destroying the lives of children.

These lessons from the lives of David and Amnon prove sexual sins, murder, deception, and violence are never appropriate. They are not the answer to any situation. Unfortunately, this on-going story is not finished. There is more to come. We will talk further in our lesson next Thursday.

A VERSE, A PRAYER, A SONG

VERSE: For it is God’s will that you should be holy. You must abstain from sexual immorality. Each of you must know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in lustful passion like the Gentiles who do not know God.(1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

PRAYER:  Lord, humans often resort to desperate measures. Please fill us with Your Holy Spirit. Give us the discernment to know right from wrong. Help us to act accordingly. The world has suffered enough from sexual sin, murder, deception and violence. We need Your chesed love to fill our hearts. Help us to balance chesed with gevurah. Teach us how to have peace on earth. Amen

SONG:
2 Samuel 13: The Thorns Are Growing  (Chapter Song Project) https://youtu.be/H-DHodgnkgI?si=ooaP9j4IK7YGpIAX.