TAMAR’S DISGRACE

TAMAR’S DISGRACE

After Amnon took Tamar against her will, he hated her.  Amnon’s selfish attitude only added to Tamar’s disgrace. This fact reveals Amnon never truly loved Tamar.  It drives home the point that he only lusted after her.  There was no concern for Tamar’s welfare.  The final fallout only concerned Amnon’s shame. It showed his intentions to cover up his crimes. No one was thinking about Tamar’s disgrace.

Humans can be deceived. However, God is not mocked.  He knows every little thing that transpires. YHVH wrote the original story. The only variables come because God has allowed us to make choices in relation to our destiny.  However, He has seen the end from the beginning. YHVH knows what we will chose. That isn’t because he didn’t let us decide. It is because He has seen the end of the story. His decisions are made from His perspective in the outside of time.

We all have our opportunity. Doors and choices are always left open for us to turn and do good. YHVH stands outside of time knowing all of the choices we made. He notes how these choices affected the world. Each little choice carries ripple effects for the universe.

TESTS FROM THE FATHER  

Our Father gives us tests. Living inside of time is all about finding out who we will chose to be. These tests give answers to that question. Our daily challenges, large and small, are proof of our heart’s intentions. Such tests allow YHVH to determine if we are fit for the coming Kingdom of God. Our own choices form our final destiny.  

As we go through times of testing YHVH is very gentle and lenient with us. If we choose wrong and realize it, He gives us the opportunity to confess, repent and turn around. Like a loving Father, He waits patiently for us to learn life lessons.

A huge test had just been offered to Amnon. He did not respond properly. Before you can repent and turn, you must at least acknowledge you have sinned. Not Amnon, he decided to hide the sin. Amnon was only fooling himself to think he could cover up his sins. 

The history of such patterns are numerous and obvious. We have seen the same story since the days of Adam and Eve. In order to find our way back to the garden again, we have to desire God’s ways above our ways.  Amnon did not chose God’s ways, nor did he chose to repent or turn. Amnon’s life was not about overcoming. All he wanted was for his actions to go away from the public eye. He desired that no one dare to notice what he had done. This is selfishness to the highest degree.

CONSIDERING TAMAR’S DISGRACE

Today, we want to look at things from Tamar’s point of view.  What thoughts were going through the mind of this highly respected and sought after princess of Israel?

Our first observation is thatTamar must have been shocked.  She was innocent. It is clear she was oblivious to Amnon’s desires. This lasted until the moment she stood before him displaying her cooking skills.  All the time she was thinking he was terribly ill.  She was hopeful to become part of his recovery. Some of the sages suggest the “cakes” she baked were actually matzah balls in chicken soup. This meal would counteract any inflammation in Amnon’s body. It would bring healing from his supposed illness. 

THE UNSOLVED RIDDLE

At the risk of chasing rabbit trails, I would like to ponder a strange fact. There seems to be a rather odd type of riddle hiding in this story. If Tamar’s robes indicated she was not meant to work, why was she asked to cook for Amnon? 

Cooking could be considered work. How and when had she learned the skillful art of making bread (or matzah balls and soup)? Do you think Tamar could have harbored secret industrious traits? Did she sneak into the royal kitchens in the middle of the night and conjur up delicious snacks?

This question intrigues me, but I don’t want to go too far off subject.  However, one does wonder. Why didn’t Tamar question this request on her own.? She was not a servant. What Amnon was asking would put her into a subservant position. She would be cooking and serving him dinner. That is not a common trait among royals. Amnon asking such a thing of her shows his lack of respect for her position as a royal princess. It also shows disrespect for her role as a female. Amnon had leagues of servants. They were capable of preparing any meal he wanted.  Tamar’s Father, David, should have asked these same questions.

TAMAR’S SAFEST EXCUSE

This train of thought brings more scripture to mind.  We discussed this scripture in last week’s lesson. ”God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can endure.” When the times of temptation come, God always provides a way “out”.  Those with discernment will always take that “out.”

The fact that Tamar wasn’t raised to be a servant preparing meals for royals, should have stood out to everyone. This could have been her excuse not to go into Amnon’s chambers. However, we can see that Tamar had a servant’s heart buried somewhere beneath those long royal robes. She was willing to humble herself. Obviously, Tamar enjoyed helping others to overcome obsticles. Amnon preyed upon these good qualities, twisting them to his advantage.

For now, we will have to overlook these unaddressed details of the story.  From this point forward, we will dive into the heart of the matter. Our observations will be based only on the facts we know to be true. Let’s look at the obvious. Many things are crystal clear. For instance, David has no excuse, but Tamar was young and innocent.  She was still learning about life.  It was David’s place, as her Father, to guide and protect her. This leads us to believe that perhaps David’s daughters were less trained and instructed than his sons.

THE INNOCENCE OF TAMAR

Tamar was the innocent victim in this story.  She was on her own with absolutely no outside help.  In her defense, Tamar did have a lot to say as Amnon began to force his affections upon her.  When Amnon said “Come to bed with me, my sister” Tamar quickly reacted and clearly protested.

Her words can be found in 2 Samuel 13: 12-13:  “No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the King; he will not keep me from being married to you.” 

In the midst of Tamar’s disgrace, she tried to defend herself. Tamar attempted to reason with Amnon. When Amnon didn’t listen to the facts concerning his or her welfare, she mentioned the nation of Israel. They both had a royal duty to uphold.  Still, he did not listen. 

LACK OF CONCERN FOR TAMAR’S DISGRACE

Tamar mentioned the disgrace they both could experience from such actions. The Crowned Prince would be especially disgraced.  He was expected to show honor and respect in all situations. When Tamar could not appeal to Amnon’s sense of fear, she appealed to his position under the King. In desperation she requested he go to David and ask for her hand. 

Tamar and Amnon knew what David’s answer would be.  Perhaps that is why Amnon paid no attention to that suggestion. He simply moved further along with his evil plan to ravish Tamar. She was trapped in the grips of an untrained, selfish, underserving, spoiled brat of a prince.  He was stronger and eventually he overpowered her.

THE DANGERS OF TOO MUCH POWER

Young girls can take many lessons from this scenario. First we need to point out, the best way to avoid danger is not to walk straight into it. Again, I will point out Tamar could have reasoned more. She could have responded more appropriately when King David gave the command for her to go to Amnon. 

Tamar was not too shy to speak to Amnon in the middle of the danger. That is admirable. However, things would have been so much better if she had reasoned with David when the request was first mentioned. 

Do you think Tamar considered such things? Did she feel foolish asking?  This is yet another lesson for all women to consider. Never be too shy to speak up for yourself when you know your first reaction is right. 

A girl should be comfortable with her father. She has the right to question anything that sounds unreasonable.  Perhaps David would have listened and reacted in a different way. He might have withdrawn his request. None of this would have happened. As I said before, hindsight is always 20/20. 

LUST TURNS TO HATE

Amnon did not listen to Tamar.  He committed the sin.  Afterwards he probably remembered the things she pointed out.  Why had he not thought of them and stopped?  He must have been greatly ashamed of his actions. Still, it was too late to reverse them.  The damage was done.  The feelings he once thought of as love turned into bitterness and resentment.  His last harsh words to Tamar were “Get up and get out!”

Now he hated Tamar as much as he thought he had loved her. Amnon’s shame was great. He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her. “

Notice how Amnon referred to Tamar as “this woman.” She was no longer a person to him.  Tamar became a visual reminder of a bad mistake he made. He could not even say her name. The very sight of her bothered and annoyed him.

TAMAR DEFENDS HERSELF

At this point, Tamar must have been an emotional wreck. Yet, she did have the good sense to defend herself.  She might have considered her earlier silence to David. Obeying blindly had not helped at all.  At last she had found her voice. 

Quickly, Tamar spoke up. “No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

SUGGESTING PAYMENT OF THE BRIDE’S PRICE 

In those days, there was a law. This law stated a man who enticed a virgin not pledged to be married and then proceded to sleep with her must pay the bride’s price.  After this payment she would legally be known as his wife.  The passage of scripture explaining this law is found in Exodus 22:16.

Becoming the legal wife of The Crowned Prince would have eventually led to Tamar becoming a queen. Yet, since half-brothers and half-sisters were not allowed to marry, this would have been a very strange situation. This situation would have presented the onslaught of a lot of embarrassing questions to the Kingdom. For lack of no other solution though, Tamar addressed this possibility with Amnon.

AN OFFER FOR HONOR AND RESPECT

This law was established to keep men respectful of women. However, I suppose Amnon thought himself above the law of the land. Hearing this suggestion from Tamar makes us suppose she had decided to make the best of this horrible situation. This was the last solution she could think of that would partially save her honor. It could have become one way to deal with Tamar’s disgrace.

When Tamar spoke of the possibility of Amnon paying the bride’s price, I remembered one of our past studies.  Previously, we published another lesson which spoke of how David acquired his first wife, Michal.  Their strange marriage story is recorded in 1 Samuel 18:25.   Michal was King Saul’s daughter.  King Saul had requested a very odd and wicked bride’s price.  He wanted one hundred Philistine foreskins.  David agreed to this arrangement and gave him double the price requested.  Here is the link to that lesson:  https://theinseasonlifestyle.com/davids-window-of-escape/.

OTHERS WHO PAID THE BRIDE PRICE FOR A WIFE

Of course, most bride’s prices are not given to make up regretted sins.  In the best cases, the bride’s price was a noble and honorable pledge. The promise showed the groom’s intentions to honor the woman as his wife.  This type of dowery became a legal commitment. It showed the groom regarded the bride and wanted to honor her and her family.

A good example of a proper bride’s price would be the story of Rebecca. Rebecca’s story speaks of a time when Abraham’s servant Eliezer sought a perfect bride for Isaac. We studied that story in a past lesson too.  It was tied in with a lesson on The Feast of Tabernacles. If you are interested in rereading it, here is the link: https://theinseasonlifestyle.com/feast-of-tabernacles-day-7/.  This procedure for Isaac’s marriage to Rebecca was the honorable way to offer a bride’s price.  In Amnon’s case, it would not be so honorable, but at least it would have been an attempt at restoration. 

MORE EXAMPLES

Another honorable example of a bride’s price is the story of Jacob offering Laban a contract. This contract for Jacob to work for Laban for seven years promised Rachel as his bride.  We know how Laban tricked Jacob and substituted Leah. Jacob’s love for Rachel was so great he agreed to work fourteen years to secure her as his bride.  Amnon comes no where close to this type of love and consideration for Tamar.  His reactions to their situation were shameful.  The suggestion of the bride’s price was not even considered.

Amnon could not make such a promise.  However, it might have appeared to be some feeble attempt at righting the wrong he had committed.  To make the offer was the least he could have done for Tamar and her family.  Such an offer would have helped to heal Tamar’s disgrace.

THE HEART OF AMNON IS REVEALED

The outcome of Amnon’s total irresponsibility for Tamar shows his true self.  He was not capable of real love. Love is the glue that holds all marriages together. We read these confirming words in Colossians 3:14,. “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Amnon had no desire to be honorable. He did not show love and respect for Tamar, or his royal family.

Ephesians 5:25 explains how we should live in marriage. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” 

Amnon wasn’t interested in proclaiming a public restitution for his wrong actions. Revealing his actions might cost him the position of being The Crowned Prince.  Also, he must have considered what this would mean for his relationship with David.  It would be very hard to mend the damage and regain his father’s respect. 

SUCH A CONTRAST

Amnon’s thoughts and actions are in complete contrast to the love of Yeshua Messiah. Our Messiah gave his whole life as the bride price for us.  A closer review of this part of the story might be good for us in order to make that comparison.  All Christians should realize exactly what it means to have been chosen with honor and respect. Note the total contrasts between that picture and the way Amnon treated Tamar.

Yeshua Messiah gave up his heavenly throne. He left all the royal ways of a perfect life in Heaven. This was done in order to come down to earth for us.  Not only did He chose to come for us, He laid down his life for the church. Sadly it was a church who had previously committed fornication and adultery with idols.  None of us were worthy. He redeemed us anyway. 

Nothing could have kept Yeshua Messiah’s love from being pledged to us. Yeshua Messiah’s love for us was everything Amnon’s lust was not for Tamar.  He was responsible, caring, kind, loving, forgiving and accepting. Yeshua Messiah was completely committed. Thus, Yeshua Messiah set the perfect example that all grooms should aspire to carry out for their brides.  There is nothing easy about this type of commitment.  It is a hard road to travel.  Yeshua Messiah did it all for us.  His way showed us the perfect pattern.

AN UNDESERVING BRIDE

The Church as a Bride is not nearly as deserving as Tamar.  There is not one noble or royal drop of blood in our favor.  We are just common brides living in the streets.  He found us and rescued us from ourselves.  Now The Father of the Groom, YHVH holds out a beautiful white dress which is spotless.  He asks us to put it on.  Our wedding is all planned.  He honors us with a royal banquet in his heavenly palace. Everything from our past has been forgiven. YHVH accepts us into His Kingdom. He chooses us to be wed to His Son. This is the marriage of all marriages.  We who deserve nothing are being given everything.

The wedding supper of the Lamb will be a complete reversal of Tamar’s circumstances. I take comfort in realizing this totally different offer will be held out to Tamar one day. God will repair the days the locust have eaten.  In God’s good timing, Yeshua Messiah will completely reverse her story.  All she has to do is accept the offer He holds out to her. 

It is the same for all of us. The chesed love of Yeshua Messiah reverses every unfair thing that ever happened to us in this life.  His eternal pledge is a forever commitment to eternal joy.  Who would be so foolish as to not accept it?

WHEN RELATIONSHIP IS WRONG

When we learn about the tradition of a bride’s price, we are reminded of how all relationships should be approached. Relationships should show honor and dignity. It is always good to reflect on these facts as we consider the foundations of our own relationships and marriages.

Yet, there are people like Amnon.They do not wish to listen to anything God speaks into their lives.  These wicked people become their own gods. The power they try to weld is an illusion.  They hold no true power. 

Standing in his own strength, Amnon did not want to reason this out.  He closed his eyes to the situation. Amnon chose to ignore everything. He only wanted the overwhelming guilt to go away. Amnon determined to ignore that any sins ever happened. Quickly he called for his servant.  “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door behind her.”

‘THIS WOMAN’

Tamar was thrown out of the palace. She wore the royal robes proclaiming her identity as a princess of the kingdom. Nevertheless, she was cast out.  The robes of royalty did not matter any longer.  Nothing mattered.  She was broken. 

In her great distress, she tore her robes. Tamar mourned for days.She knew her life was never going to be the same again.  It wasn’t her fault, but there was no way to change what had happened. 

Have you ever been in a place where nothing you could say or do would matter?

SUMMARY

Torah is about teaching and instruction. So what is Torah saying to us with this story? Perhaps it is saying sometimes there are situations in which there is no simple right or wrong course of action. It may seem that whatever you chose to do will be considered wrong. Every option you decide to consider may involve some type of moral compromise. 

This is where Tamar stood. She had no options. All she could do now was to be honest. She could trust that God would find a way for her to live again.  It must have been a terrifying place to be.  These types of situations are when we need “the peace that passes all understanding.”  Only God can provide that.  It comes down to trusting Yeshua Messiah and believing that He still has a purpose for us.  If we wait, healing will come.  Sometimes the wait is long and hard.

There is a lot more to this story. We will continue in our next lesson. There is a new lesson given here at The IN SEASON Lifestyle blog every Thursday. Join us each week as we walk through The Book of 2 Samuel together. We welcome your thoughts and/or comments. If you are afraid of missing a post, be sure to subscribe to our mailing list at the top of each blog post. We promise not to share your personal information.

GOING DEEPER

Do you wish to dig deeper into the facts of this lesson? If so, I suggest a deeper study comparing what happened to Tamar with what happened to her ancestor named Dina. Both stories are stories about honorable women who were raped. There are contrasts and similarities. 

I think Torah is using both of these stories to teach us. The message seems to be that life may be full of situations where we have no control. In such times, there are no right or wrong answers. When things come down to violence, everyone will suffer. Perhaps that is why Torah teaches us not to live in lawlessness. These types of stories are stories that illustrate the tragic results of violence. This is something we all need to understand. Violence is never the answer. 

Only Yeshua Messiah can bring this realization of our minds to live permanently inside our hearts and actions toward others.

A VERSE, A PRAYER AND A SONG

VERSE:  But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.  (Isiah 43: 1-2)

PRAYER:  Father, thank you for looking after the Tamar’s in this world. It terrifies us to know there are holy and innocent people being abused. Today, our land is full of hurting and wounded hearts. We know You are the only One who can help them. Please send Your Holy Spirit to comfort and intervene in their lives.

I pray every innocent victim from the sins of man may be restored. We desire with You that they are brought into The Kingdom of God. Help us to be a light shining Your glory into these dark corners of the world.  Let Your Light living inside us reveal the healing love of Yeshua Messiah.  We know The Marriage Supper of the Lamb is coming. How long O Lord? How long? Amen.

SONG:  If You Want Me To – Ginny Owens | With Lyrics  https://youtu.be/qVYRc7LtvUA?si=RYaNZmurduJq97q5