Today’s COME AS A CHILD BIBLE STUDY lesson covers a scripture passage found in Deuteronomy Chapter 22:12-30.
God was giving instructions to Israel on how they should live when they arrived in the Promised Land. Here he is talking about the sanctity of marriage. This passage is very hard to write about in our modern culture.
Many of the verses will sound and seem to be out-of-date and antiquated. Some people will say that these words do not apply to the generations of today, that they are Old Testament words created for Old Testament cultures only.
Let’s read the passage first and then discuss whether or not they would apply to today’s culture and why that would or would not be so:
Deuteronomy 22:13-30:
13 If a man takes a wife and, after sleeping with her, dislikes her 14 and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, “I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity,” 15 then the young woman’s father and mother shall bring to the town elders at the gate proof that she was a virgin. 16 Her father will say to the elders, “I gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. 17 Now he has slandered her and said, ‘I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.’ But here is the proof of my daughter’s virginity.” Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, 18 and the elders shall take the man and punish him. 19 They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman’s father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives.
20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the young woman’s virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done an outrageous thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house. You must purge the evil from among you.
22 If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel.
23 If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, 24 you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge the evil from among you.
25 But if out in the country a man happens to meet a young woman pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die. 26 Do nothing to the woman; she has committed no sin deserving death. This case is like that of someone who attacks and murders a neighbor, 27 for the man found the young woman out in the country, and though the betrothed woman screamed, there was no one to rescue her.
28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.
30 A man is not to marry his father’s wife; he must not dishonor his father’s bed.
This is a lot to take in so we will break it down and discuss this scripture verse by verse:
WHEN THE BRIDE IS NOT PURE AND LIES ABOUT IT
Understanding ancient Israel’s culture to this point is vital to understanding these words of the scripture passage in Deuteronomy. In those days women remained virgins until marriage. Too bad this seems to only be an ancient practice.
While we are on the subject; we could point out the obvious for any curious readers.
THE CASE FOR SEXUAL PURITY BOTH THEN AND NOW
God and ancient Israel’s culture highly-valued virginity until marriage. It is rare to find someone in today’s society who agrees with this and lives it out; or is it?
You might be surprised if you did the research.
Let’s pause for just a moment and think about how this would work out if someone chose to follow such a path in today’s very pagan, very hedonistic society.
Many might be shocked to find that abstinence is still practiced today. Statistics say that about 3% of Americans wait until they are married to have sex. Yes; that is a very low percentage; but aren’t you curious to know how this 3% of the population (which actually translates to about ten million people) are faring in life?
LIFE OF THE THREE PERCENT
It seems that our culture is fed many myths about these people who chose purity. There is the myth that normal people do not wait to have sex. Then there is the myth that those who ARE waiting have a lower than normal sex-drive. There is that myth that the wife or husband will not be experienced enough to please their mate when they DO marry. An old myth that always rises up in many heated situations is that one that says “if you love me you will prove it to me by making love to me now.”
Many other tips and pointers as to why morality should be thrown out the window are simply common myths that are out there preying on the younger generations. The older generations might have already come to notice that often these myths do not prove to be true.
However many myths exist; there is proof that there is a good case for waiting. The strongest case for waiting involves the fact that this is what God intended for those who follow the Christian faith. Then again; it isn’t always about religion. For some it is simply the desire to wait for the right person. If you give in before marriage you can’t “fix that” when the person of your dreams comes along. Others have come to understand that a healthy self-image comes from knowing that you are loved for who you are; not for fulfilling someone’s sexual desires. For some “waiting” is proof that love is real and going to last forever.
THE EARLIER THE DECISION THE BETTER THIS WORKS
Research has also shown that people who decide to wait until marriage to have sex make this decision at a very early age; possibly 12 or 13 years old. Many who do make this decision might decide to wear a “purity ring” that serves as an outward symbol of a person’s vow of abstinence until marriage. These rings are worn on the left-hand finger until the day they are replaced by a wedding ring.
Surveys have shown that those who decided to wait say that the “pros” outweigh the “cons;” and that the waiting was worth it.
Of course, people are human and even people who have made the decision to wait often give in or make the mistake of not living up to their own standards. This is when one confesses the sin, seeks the forgiveness of God and resolves to not give in again to temptation. This sin like any other can be overcome with patience and perseverance. However; psychiatrist have reported that those who decided to wait and then gave in to temptation often have regrets and suffer from doing so. Many speak of feeling empty and hollow inside and wishing they had stayed on track. They have to learn how to forgive themselves and trust that God has forgiven them. That is a process that is not always easy or happy to go through.
A CHOICE FOR THE FAITHFUL
Faithful people chose to carry out this process of “waiting” in many different ways. Some don’t even date until they feel they are ready to make a commitment to marriage and they are sure they have found the right person to commit to sharing all of their life’s adventures.
Others draw the line when dating to holding hands and kissing. Sometimes this leaves one party to the marriage more experienced than the other. Most report that this isn’t important because once married the couple will have their whole life to get things to the level of total satisfaction. Working through this process seems to be an adventure for the happily married. They quickly come to realize that the Hollywood version of sex is pretty false and people rarely experience such ecstasy every time they are together.
It seems that this 3% choses to think of the perks of their decision to remain pure.
THE PERKS OF PURITY
Just what are those perks anyway?
First and foremost is the fact that you haven’t sinned against God and you haven’t sinned against each other. You aren’t dragging a load of guilt into your marriage when it arrives.
Second is the fact that you are relieved of the fear of an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy. The bliss of a happy marriage can be totally destroyed by trying to live life backward and out-of-order. God designed marriage for family; not family for marriage. It really helps to get this part of life in the correct order. The grace of God will help you through such situations when needed; but why add extra loads of pressure onto a new marriage? Life is hard enough. You also do not want to add tough decisions to your already complicated new life. I’ve never talked to a woman who had an abortion that didn’t regret it and would not take it back if it were possible.
There is also that perk of knowing that you do not have any chance of getting sexually transmitted diseases. These things are very hard to explain to someone that you love and are committing to for a lifetime. Save yourself all of that misery if at all possible.
You can always be proud of the fact that you made your own life choices and stuck to carrying them out. Self-control is such a godly trait and others will admire your high standards. Regardless of how others feel; you will be able to stand and be proud of your own commitments to live a better life and make the world an easier place to live. You will have taken a stance against the voices that say it is perfectly fine to do anything you want.
Most of the 3% have a life-view that is eternal instead of temporary. This makes for a very secure and happy marriage.
GOD WANTED THE BEST FOR ANCIENT ISRAEL AND HE WANTS THE BEST FOR US TODAY
So there is the unspoken evidence of living a pure life and waiting until marriage.
God knows these things are true and important and He wants the best for all of humanity. That is why He was guiding Israel to accept some of the same facts of life. They were the very beginning of God’s plan for ALL of humanity.
It was extremely fashionable and accepted as the norm in ancient Israel to remain a virgin until marriage. It was also considered shameful if this wasn’t true and the groom found out on their wedding night.
If the husband believed this was the case there was a custom which would remedy the matter. In those days weddings were always performed in public with lots of invitations given. The celebrating lasted for a whole week or sometimes even longer.
After the marriage ceremony the bride and groom would adjourn to a private area in the house while everyone else kept on celebrating their marriage. This would be where they spent their honeymoon. It was always spent in The Father of the Groom’s house in a private part of the residence. The Bride and Groom could come back to join the crowd intermittently. but have their privacy when wanted.
On the first night, when the marriage was consummated in that private place of The Father’s House, it would happen on top of a special cloth which would collect the small drops of blood that would be accepted as proof of evidence of the young woman’s virginity. The blood represented innocence and proclaimed that the Bride was a virgin. The bloodstained cloth would be given to the bride’s parents, who would keep it as evidence of her virginity. This is strangely symbolic of a very sacred part of history. The blood stains on the grave-cloths of Christ are proof that He has proclaimed His Church (His Bride) to be innocent and not guilty of sins. He gave His life in order to be able to make this statement because His love was that great for us.
Of course we know today that this ancient custom doesn’t always work; but nonetheless, it was the custom that was used and legal. Most brides were very young in those days and it was more likely to work on younger girls than more mature women. Believe it or not; some countries still use this custom today.
At any rate; the elders of the city would be shown the bride-cloth by the bride’s parents. If the groom came back later because he simply no longer felt attracted to her and claimed that she had not been a virgin on their wedding night, this was proof that he was wrong. This “evidence” would be presented to the courts as proof that the bride was innocent. Once the bride was proven innocent and pronounced “not-guilty” the groom then had to pay a fine (one hundred shekels of silver) to the father of the bride. They would remain married forever at that point, no future reason for divorce would ever be considered.
THE HIGH VALUE OF A BRIDE’S PURITY
If the woman was found guilty; she was stoned to death.
She was not stoned for being sexually promiscuous before marriage, but the stoning was for the act of deception in telling a lie to her husband.
We begin to see here how highly valued a woman’s virginity was in Israel.
Not only that; the sanctity of marriage was very important as well.
The penalty for adultery is also discussed in detail in these scriptures. It isn’t like our current times when the courts say “okay you two can’t be true to one another; so here is your divorce decree.”
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE
If two people were caught in adultery and one of them was being unfaithful to a marriage; they both were sentenced to death.
Adultery is the breaking of a commandment and God commanded the death penalty for adultery.
This sin, when committed carried great social consequences.
The law did not permit a double standard that favored men above women. Both guilty parties were punished equally. Whatever was wrong for one sex was wrong for the other.
LET THE WITNESSING PARTY CAST THE FIRST STONE
To be completely truthful here; the death penalty was rarely ever carried out.
Any capital crime required two or three witnesses. These witnesses who came forth with their truths had to be the first to cast the stones of death. In the case of adultery there were rarely ever any witnesses found, so this particular judgement was rarely ever given.
When we ponder these things of past days, we immediately think of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery. Some men were accusing a woman of adultery but no man was being accused. Almost every accuser must have been guilty of the same crime (or even the crime of that woman) because not one of them wanted to come forward and cast the first stone.
If this was the case, and the executions of guilty adultery were rarely carried out; why did Israel impose such laws? Or; why did God give these laws to them?
THE SERIOUS NATURE OF THE WHOLE MATTER
The answer is pretty simple when you think it through. Though the death penalty for adultery was rarely given; it communicated boldly the ideology that Israel was to live out. This law made people regard the law and take it seriously.
We see just the opposite in today’s culture.
Adultery is rampant and even presented as expected and acceptable.
Children grow up in a culture that does not teach the sanctity of marriage.
Today most couples think nothing of living together before marriage. Many modern thinking marriage counselors actually advise that they do this in order to test their relationship before they make a legally binding commitment.
COMMITTMENT IS KEY
Commitment seems to be the key word here. Our culture lacks lasting commitment to sacred things.
Marriage is meant to be sacred between one man and one woman for a lifetime. That was God’s original design and whether society or culture agree; that is still God’s way for the followers of Jesus Christ today.
Jesus would be born as a man through this physical nation of Israel. Purity and sanctity of marriage meant everything in making this happen. God was laying the foundation for building up a house of spirit filled Christians even way back then.
THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF PURITY
Because of the purity of the Virgin Mary; Jesus was born into the world to save the world. God chose her and has honored her throughout all of these generations. She clearly represented the purity that God wanted women to model and display; and her faithfulness to walking out her destiny has played a huge part in our own salvation.
God will always uphold the sanctity of marriage.
No culture or new government’s laws will ever change that.
RAPE IS EVIL AND SHOULD ALWAYS BE PUNISHED
It is because of this that God also gave guidelines for handling cases involving rape. Rape is a violent crime against someone’s sexuality. It is evil and it should always be punished. The rest of the passage of scripture that we are looking at discusses this subject.
Rape was a huge consideration when God sent the flood that Noah survived.
It becomes clear that only the guilty are to be punished for this sin.
If the man and woman are in the city and the man forces himself on the woman and she does not resist; they both are guilty and sentenced to death. She could have called for help and prevented the situation; though she did not initiate the action; there would always be doubt that she encouraged it since she did not call out. Women should not play games or encourage men to lose control.
On the other hand, if an innocent virgin was minding her own business in the countryside and a man comes and rapes her; no one would have heard her cries. Therefore; only the man is considered guilty. He is sentenced to death if this woman was already pledged to marry another man.
INCEST IS EVIL AND SHOULD BE PUNISHED
God also gave guidelines to Israel regarding cases of incest.
This is a horrible crime and totally against the ways of God.
If you study the bible for long you will hear of cases where this sin wreaked havoc on families of old and totally destroyed kings and kingdoms. God advised Israel not to go there. Our own nation should be listening carefully to history and recording this wisdom.
RESPECTING YOUR FATHER’S HONOR
The last part of the referenced scripture passage for today advises that a man should not sleep with his father’s wife.
If you followed along with us during our study of The Book of Genesis you might remember the story of how Jacob’s son disappointed him greatly by sleeping with his concubine. For this reason Israel (Jacob’s new name) was led to curse this son instead of handing him a blessing at the end of his life.
Here is yet another immoral act that God does not accept in His people. Purity is the reason. Holiness is to be sought above all other things if you are a child of God and wish to remain faithful and true. If any or all of these above mentioned sins have darkened your life today; go to Jesus and confess your sins. He will hear you and God will forgive you if you truly are sincere and decide to turn around and go the other way.
As we approach the Day of Pentecost this year and as we have spent the 50 days between Passover and Pentecost examining our lives; let us live in the best ways that God has mapped out before us. If physical Israel was given these laws for morality way back in the formation of God’s Kingdom; we too must move on to the highest spiritual plains and remain pure also. This will please God and help to usher in The Kingdom of God.
May there be a day in the future when we all can say that God’s will is done on earth as in heaven. Receive God’s love, power and promises to you at Pentecost and let’s do our part to hasten the day.
Note to the reader: If you enjoyed our lesson today you might enjoy the author’s books that compiled our study of Genesis. These are titled THE GOSPEL HIDDEN IN GENESIS BOOK ONE OF TWO and THE GOSPEL HIDDEN IN GENESIS BOOK TWO OF TWO. They can be ordered on Amazon.com by looking up the titles. Gail Landgraf’s Author’s Corner is also available for view there. It will keep you updated on all of her latest publications.